Saturday, March 31, 2012
I have been sitting here staring at a blank screen thinking about what to write.... thinking about what has been on my mind. I came to realize LIFE has been on my mind. Not only my life, or the life of my family, but the life of people from my past as well. I have been worried, confused, and sometimes angry with decisions some people make. I know I can't control how other people feel or how they choose to live their life, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to ignore how it makes me feel. I have been blessed with having the courage and strength to change my life for the better. I have realized that having a happy family is what matters most to me. I just wish and pray that others could put their family before their own selfish acts. Don't get me wrong, I still like to have fun, but I know where to draw the line. I know that getting behind the wheel of a vehicle after I have been drinking can possibly be the last time I get behind the wheel of a vehicle ever again. I know that my daughter may have to live the rest of her life without a mother..... just because I thought it was OK to drive drunk. It took some time and some self control to finally grow up, but I have. I am not saying I have learned everything I need to know, because I definitely haven't! But, I am saying I have grown into a responsible and respectable mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. And I must admit.... it feels damn good! Four years ago I was ashamed of who I was and how I was living my life. I avoided the people who truly loved and cared for me because I knew they were going to try to help me, and to be completely honest I just wasn't ready for their help. I didn't even know if I wanted to change. I was afraid that it might actually take REAL WORK to be a better person.... to be a person with a purpose. I was stuck! I was stuck in the whole "bar scene" and just about everyone I hung out with was too. Regardless of my family telling me these people are no good for you and that they don't want to see you succeed because let's face it... misery loves company... I still stuck around them. After wasting about four years of my life I got the opportunity to make a change by moving to North Carolina and I went for it! I had "friends" saying "oh she won't last....I give her X amount of months." But, you know what.... I did make it! I have changed my life! I wake up every morning and am proud of the woman I have become! I have my priorities exactly the way they should be. I don't need the bar, alcohol,or drama in my life. I need what really matters to me and that is my family, friends, and my own self worth. I now have the tools to teach my daughter to be a respectable young lady and that is what life is about.